it is done with and I hope I passed. I pray to God that he helps me, and deliver me from this. I'll be praying a lot for the next couple of weeks. As God said, whoever shall ask, he will grant, I hope that God will grant me this wish and pass.
I am quite relieved that this is over. I thank God for helping me during the rough times, and I hope that he will help me again.

bad boys, bad boys

whatca gonna do..whatcah gonna do when they come for you

Anyways, the security guards in flushing library annoy me. Seriously, they think they are cops! They are on their walkie- talkie and messaging each other..."did you see the girl, she is going down stairs with the cell phone. go get her". Hello, it's not a Gun! There are far more serious things. Like stealing books, running kids, arugments etc! My gosh, they can just warn or ask the person to leave if their phone rings, but they don't need to track them down like a criminal!

taking a break

Taking a break from the usual. Yesterday I didn't get much done. I think my "friend" is coming soon. I tried to schedule the exam in accordance but i guess you can't beat the system. Wouldn't it be great if we didn't have to deal with this. Don't have to go through the period of irritation, lack of concentration, hyper or isomnia, fatigue. Men are so lucky.
So anyway, i tried practicing with a computer simulated exam. I was reading the question over and over and just not retaining, not reasoning the choices out and was unclear about everything. Yeah, my brain is telling me I'm not functioning and need to take a break.

In the light of things, my mom got sworn in for her US citizenship. She must have been excited. I remember my experience. You are with amlost 100 ppl sitting in a grand court before a judge, who stated she was an immigrant too. "I stood before a judge just as you are now. I took the opportunity that this country offered, went to school, worked hard. I am honored to swear you in as citizens.

Reflecting back to my childhood, and the divorce experience that my family went through, i;ve always thought life will probably be over. When my parent enforced me to work hard, i reasoned with , what's the point. it's not like you guys did your best to work this marriage out. Now i kinda think differently. Parents want the best for you. yes you probably heard this soo many times. But i;ve never took it to heart. Parents may not be the best role models, or teach leadership skills, or guide or advise you at a young age. Sometime they are suddently there when you are adults. But they want what't best for their children and teach them to strive for what is unseenable. Tragics may come but you must hope for the best and keep your faith, belief in what's not in the foreground. That is why they push you hard despite what had happened.

almost 23rd and couting

wow, it's almost thrusday..and the date is approaching. I feel a bit better from the past blogs I've written. I do have periods of panic attack though, especially in the morning as I wake up to realize that the date is cleary near. But God has made me feel better and composed. I told him that I'll place my burden on him and it is his responsibility from now on. I will perform and be my best from the qualities of persistence, strength and courage he has given me and will continously provide. In faith I have to believe and endure.

My mom has been extremely supportive since sunday, which makes me feel soo much better and controlled. I love her b/c she is doing this. :) She told me to stop moping and need to balance my life with rest breaks and socialization and stimulation. I was moping so much and looked literally like a zombie that she forced me come out from the house with her and join the rest of the society to a little open house visit and a nice lunch at donkin dounuts. It was a great break, until we head off to the 99 cent store , where we spent almost of our afternnon break. I got claustrophobic and antsy walking trough aisles in the same store ..for what seemed like forever. it was more than 30min i can say..and I needed new stimulation. I had to drag my mom out of that store to head off to the car. My heart was pounding like I was going to have a heart attack. It as probably racing faster b/c of the coffee i drank. Great.

In retrospect, yeah, a 2-3 hour break does me very good. I defintely need a balance. I don';t know how i got trhough grad shcool with very little breaks. I guess my mind is telling me from the cumlative studies that I need to relax and balance my life with a good productivity of work, rest and leisure.

The naked man

I go down the steps to the adjacent park with my dog..and I see the naked man, the neighbor who happens to live in the first floor suite of the apartment lobby, often and usually built for practicing dentists and podiatrists.
So unusual to see him living there. He is as always topless in his apartment, while my family and I freeze in 27th floor. Everyday he passes the halls of medical offices and the adjacent tin boxes filled with surgical supplies. Isn't this a violation?

My sweetie

My dog recieved a long due bath and haircut, and he looked all puffy and very cute afterwards. But today I noticed that the top of his head was sticky, kinda dirty and smelled of sweat or something body related. When I was walking my sweetie outside the adjacent park, I envisioned our neighbor dog, Molly peeing over the top of my dog's head as my poor sweetie sniff for his territory. Ah..that explains it. I must have been distracted at that time.

Potter's hand

Beautiful Lord, wonderful savior
I know for sure, all of my days are held your hand
crafted into your perfect plan
you gently call me into you presence
guiding me by your holy spirit
teach me dear Lord to live all of my life through your eyes
I'm captured by your holy calling
set me apart, i know your drawing me to yourself
Lead me Lord I pray

Take me and
mold me
use me
fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hand
Call me
You guide me
lead me
Walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's hand

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not in your own understanding
in all you ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight.- proverbs 3:5
I trust you Lord..I give what i have and trust that it will be alright.

God 's steadfast words

Fear:
Isaiah 41:10, 12b-15
So do not fear, for I am with you. do not be dismayed for i am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous hand.
For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear. I will help you. DO not be afraid for I myself will help you declares the Lord, your Redeemer the Holy one of israel.

Strength:
Exodus 15: 2a
The Lord is my strength and my song, he has become my salvation.
Phil 4:13
I can do everything through him who gives me strength
Psalm 46:1-2a
God is our refuge and strength, and ever present help in trouble. Therefore do not fear.

Reassurance:
Jeremiah 29: 11
For I know the plans i have for you declares the Lord. plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Isaiah 40:30
Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall. but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Matthew 11:28-29
Come to me all you who are weary and burdened. and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your soul.

let God prevail

my date approaches and I'm wondering if i am ready for the board exam. Took a simulated exam..and after studying, reviewing, memorizing and cramming info..i looked at the questions with confusion, Tried to rethink the information i've read, reviewed and memorized into understanding..and all that information and reading came out into pouring mush..like puree'out from my brain. Man, i am overwhelmed. Took a break, watched Oprah, and cried mindlessly to an emotional story and music played, releasing some frustration.
Now i'm just writing blogs to vent. (sigh). Said a prayer..and hoped that with all the studying, God will just help me out rest of the way. Currently restructuring my study habits by reviewing my index cards and finding areas I need to concentrate and are weak on. One day at a time...

Moment remembered II- Dad sleeping

met trip. dad sleeping
Originally uploaded by naeng-myon.

It was July 4th, and my dad never visited an art museum. And so my dad, sis, her bf and I decided to go to the MET museum then have a picnic at central park. Walked around the museum for 3 hours. Here is my dad taking a power nap before lunch.

Moment remembered- squirrel begging

squirrel
Originally uploaded by naeng-myon.

hehe..remember this moment? This squirrel was just begging to get some food during the coldest week in Boston(2004). This pic was taken by my sister.

routine

routine
Originally uploaded by naeng-myon.

Well, here is my routine. I wake up, shower, head off to the library, study, eat, bathroom, study, bathroom, study a little more, return home, eat and watch a little tv and rest, return to my study, bathroom then go to sleep. Wake up the next morning and repeat. Sigh. Kinda depressing. My life consist of studying, eating and defecation. Sounds like my school life. At the end of it all, the routine will be slightly changed. At least that is a relief.

pearls

pearls
Originally uploaded by naeng-myon.

may buy these as incentives. I think i deserve them after all my effort and worries.
I should stop worrying. I acknowledge that it makes me sick, physically and mentally. I just have to trust in God, and hope for the best. He has already made a path for me. All i have to do is follow and keep my eyes on the prize.

Me today

Me today
Originally uploaded by naeng-myon.

trying my best. things just seem like mush. must review to confirm and clarify.