i finally realized it

While walking through my apartment hallway, it became clear.....i grew up in a christian household, attended christian fellowship during college, and went through a rollercoaster of spiritual highs and lows. After all these years you would think i became spiritually mature. But today, just now i realized that Christ died for us just to prove us that we can totally trust in Him. Why doubt this God when He has already proven he loves us by willingly sacrificing himself, without any obligation except a love in return. There shouldn't be any doubt or pity in myself. God did something I should be so joyful and grateful about.

This year has been spiritual struggle, and of deep thoughts. God suddenly came in the picture after a long ..long 7 year hiatus. I know my enteries have been strange..talking about spirits..and such. But i believe this has been an awakening, a moment where I can be really honest about myself.