Friday, September 28, 2012

Lonely with maggie

Wish my hubbie was home more often. Just lonely and tired of the preparation and research.

I just thought pregnancy would be more about the mother and being taken care of, but i guess given my situation and hubbie's schedule, its a lot about myself and preparation for myself, maggie's nutrition, and her body.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Thank God for Mabo Tofu

thank God for the invention. Dinner is now fast and delicious! love, love love!


I can't ever remember if I've daydreamed of becoming pregnant one day. I guess i have.. but the pregnancy itself was nothing like i have ever imagined. In 2 1/2 months from now, "maggie" will be born. And I cannot  fathom of what it will be like. I'll be welcoming her to our world with my hubbie, and will be a family!!! My hubbie and I talk a lot about how to raise a daughter. I think alot about it when working and talking to my kids. Words, tone and being positive are so important. Sometimes, I lose my temper when working with them, so constant patience is a must to be practiced.

Maggie- is that a good name? I've learned to love it in the past 6 months since we found out "mango" was a girl. Its hard finding a M name that is also Japanese. 
I wonder who she will look like. I hope she is cute...But sometimes I tell myself when remembering her sonogram, she is perfect. :)

i think I'm going to set a goal- coming home, make dinner for maggie and go, and start building some nursery prints for maggie. Something to look forward too. I've been buying clothes for her too, but that can be too costly for now.

should get going..until then..

Thursday, November 03, 2011

Last night Dream

Had a dream last night about my dad. I was visiting my dad's resting place, but before that, I was at the cemetery chapel, reminiscing and viewing visitors from the glass window..they were coming out of viewing their loved one. Then from behind, I see my dad sitting at the left pews, closing his eyes, eye squinting or hard at praying. He looks like he was thinking..or waiting for me to come visit. Looking at my dad, I felt a huge lump in my throat. I wanted to touch and hug him, and say I love and miss him every much. A huge feeling of loss and anguish took over my heart..and I woke up feeling sorrow and sadness in the realization that my dad is really gone and not with us in this world.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


Things- events are changing so quickly these days, that your emotions need to catch up to them. Once a routine, seems new and i feel lost in it at times. Unfocused and mind wandering seems to be what I'm experiencing, and I'm realizing I can't do this at work.

Looking at the photos of my dad, and him smiling, I can't believe that THIS is reality. It all seems like a dream, like it never happened, not wanting to ever happen. It all seems so weird. I sometimes feel that I will see him in a couple of months, but based on experiences and events in funeral, I know it's not logically possible. He passed away so suddenly, and I feel like I never got to say a real goodbye, or tell him I'm sorry.

Sometimes, I feel i'm responsible for what happened to him. I could have helped with the MD appointments, educated him about his health, cooked healthy food for him, invited and welcomed him in my home. Also with family outings, I could have thought of him. In the past 6 months, I have forgotten about him, happy and burden free- living my life, as if he didn't exist. Now, that he is really gone, the loss is really a shock, and realization of my cruelty and insensitivity to my father, which could have jeopardized his health.

Everything now seems all too much to bear. My job seems like a weighted burden, and I am not happy to do some paperwork. I wish I could take a one month vacation from my job. That sounds so good now..

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Greatness is our God

As I enter church on a sunday morning, it hit me how I am a sinner, an imperfect, unpure being, corrupted by anger and hate. Then I hear how everything can be melted away by God. How great is God that he can always listen, provide refuge and the right answer toward freedom and a peace of mind.

I Love MOCHI!!

Mmm mmm good! I love mochi! Korean mochi with powdered bean flour, japanese mochi with peanut goo or seasme goo inside, mochi ice cream, and mochi in japanese soups!! MMMMMMM. That is all I can say.

Sunday, September 19, 2010


Hi Go
Today was a nice warm day, woke up pretty late and just rested at home. I didn't go to church today, ..:( sorry...but Esther with her fiance visited to see Liz's wedding pics, as Esther is figuring out which photographer to choose.

Afterwards, mom and I hit the store Bed bath and beyond, and then starbucks for nice treat of coffee frap. Hmmmm....

BTW, they really enjoyed the steelers ramdrops!! :)

I thought about your return back to NY, and hope we can visit hudson valley. :) Searched tripadvisor for bed and breakfast inn around hudson valley. A nice time to see is the last 2 weeks of october..Do you think you;ll be free?

I also heard about Oktoberfest at bear mountain. It's beer drinking...what do you think?

Sunday, September 12, 2010

9/12 Sunday sermon

Hi Go
Miss you and wish you were here with me at church.

I thought of you today during sermon of when we first came to church. That seemed like so long ago. I had the same parking space, and sat at the same balcony, where I remembered when you first encountered what it is like to be in church. :)

Pastor Pete came back for sermon and he reviewed the basic ways of LIFE. Remember he talked about stopping, resting, contemplating about God into our lives. Well, today's sermon was about applying the ways of LIFE:
The ways of life are:
  • Prayer
  • Rest
  • Relationship
  • Work/Activity
  1. being a a lover of God, seeking to live in the love of God above all else.
  2. befriend silence
  3. allow Holy Scripture to shape and form Christ in me
  4. To integrate contemplative practices and rhythms (sabbath- keeping) to slow down my life
  1. value yourself as a human being, being made in the image of God.
  2. Eliminate hurry
  3. remember God's history of faithfulness with each new challenges
  4. receive God's limits as a gift.

  1. Love yourself, love others,embracing singleness as I bond with others or in marriage, giving first priority to my spouse and children.
  2. Walk in community, while respecting each other's uniqueness.
  3. Apply emotionally healthy practices in order to love well.
  4. listen more than I speak
  5. live in truth, asking the hard questions.
  6. bridge racial, cultural, economic and gender barriers for christ
  1. point others to a deep, personal relationship with Jesus
  2. savor the sacred in all I do- at work, rest or play
  3. remember the poor and marginalized
  4. share my gifts, talents and resources in and beyond our community
Today was a short sermon, but what I got is ...that to love others, I need to love myself. Love doesn't pour out from me, unless love is within me. I also thought I need to stop and reflect God in our lives, in nature, our surroundings. I also should pray also and apply it more into my life.

It thought about joining a small group in the fall...what do you think? Interested?

Love you Go. Your ways and who you are makes me smile and keeps me balanced. :)

Sunday, August 08, 2010

13 more days to go

13 more days to go to marrying a sweet and gentle man of my dreams!

Monday, March 22, 2010

so sad

Just so sad today. I feel torn to pieces.. and wish I have a safe place to turn. In need of resolution and rest.

Thursday, March 18, 2010


My abs are trimming down but then goes back up after I eat. goes to my belly, where it stores forever....
So I started detoxing..taking a pill and it set my energy and mood level into a spiral. Then, I really got a chance to dig and read up on what detox is.
So by the end of the month, I am going to try this detox method..(want to try with me Go?) eating food liquids, and smoothies by the end of 7 days.

Overall, i felt better today after a craft project. A good stress reliever. It feels good to create something pretty from what you envision. :) I had a chance to create a sample of the out of towners guide book. It takes effort to make it sophisticated, but i like the content. It would contain a list of nearby dry cleaners, grocery store, pharmacy, a week schedule and appointed dinners, etc.

I didn't realize, Go and I may not relax and enjoy Oahu until after the wedding. Since Go will be out with the guys in sports fishing, I was thinking I'll hit the flea and farnmers market, and some tourist spots. Kinda looking forward to that. Perhaps, we can then join my mom in the kitchen to make a meal and use ingredients from the farmers market.

What girl does not like a great deal. I thought i found a great deal on a nice basketweave favor boxes, but it still cost $3. So i may just buy paper boxes, buy wholesale cookies and stuff them in.
Weddings do cost money, but I feel like we should all enjoy them at a decent price.

okay, enough with the wedding thought. I thought on taking away this whole mind off on the planning, but about the day and marriage. Wow, I'm going to be married. Sounds like a big word, but when i think on the basics, I know I am going to spend a lifetime with someone who is special. So this word marriage does not sound so scary after all.
I am learning a few things about him during this planning process, and how this is a view of how he settles on matters that occur in a marriage. I am sure he is learning about me too.
I'm thinking of getting a book on marriage, so it gives us some insight of ppl's view of what marriage is like.

anyways. I printed the detox, and hopefully, my body, mind and skin will be all better. I'll let you know how it goes.

Monday, February 22, 2010

what does your acne tell you

I thought this is interesting. The nose and chin makes sense...Thinking cleaning my colon now.

The Forehead

According to Chinese medicine, the forehead corresponds to the fire element. This is associated with the heart and small intestine organ network, as well as the mind and spirit.

Forehead: Fire Element - Heart/Small Intestine

When examining your forehead, look for redness or small blood vessels that appear as discoloration, which could indicate a heart problem. Skin discoloration could also be caused by a recent emotionally-charged experience, such as a breakup or loss. It is common for people whose emotions are regularly in turmoil to have a constant furrow between their eyebrows.

A heart attack can often be foretold by a subtle bluish-green hue on the forehead. If you have discoloration on your forehead accompanied by heart palpitations, dizziness, shortness of breath, and tingling or pain in your left arm, schedule an appointment with a cardiologist or visit an emergency room, if necessary.

Your Nose

Your nose corresponds to the earth element, indicating a connection to the stomach, spleen and pancreas network.

Nose: Earth Element - Spleen/Pancreas/Stomach

Symptoms of internal discord typically show up as a pimple on the tip or side of your nose. Think back to your meals from the previous day. Did you eat a lot of spicy, deep-fried, fatty, or rich foods? How about chocolate? If the answer is "yes," your choice of cuisine could be the problem. As a result, you may suffer from indigestion, constipation, or diarrhea.

Broken capillaries or redness across the bridge of the nose could reveal alcohol abuse, or it may simply mean excessive worry and stress, which taxes your earth element network. I had a patient who would de-stress from her taxing executive job with alcohol and sweets, and her nose always gave these indiscretions away. I recommended she calm her nerves in healthier ways, like meditation and other stress-releasing techniques.

Your Chin

The chin area is related to the water element, which is internally associated to your kidney and bladder organ network, including the hormonal system and glands.

Chin: Water Element - Kidney/Bladder

Blemishes, discoloration and dark patches of skin around the chin and mouth could indicate problems within the kidneys or bladder. Recurrent acne breakouts around your chin may signify a hormonal imbalance. The problem is most often due to the body producing excess estrogen or testosterone and tends to be coupled with irregular menstruation in women and prostate symptoms in men.

Be sure to also look at your philtrum, the indentation just above your lips. This small area relates to the uterus and ovaries in women and the prostate and genitals in men. Horizontal lines, blemishes or discoloration across the philtrum may indicate infertility issues due to problems such as endometriosis or uterine fibroid cysts.

According to Chinese medicine, people who have a small chin are genetically predispositioned to weakness in their kidney and bladder network. However, this doesn't mean that small-chinned people will develop kidney disease. The information is simply an alert that a tendency may exist, and patients can choose to make lifestyle changes to prevent the development of a condition.

Your Right Cheek

Your right cheek corresponds to the metal element, meaning this area of your face is connected to the lung and large intestine network.

Right Cheek: Metal Element - Lung/Large Intenstine

Problems in the lung and large intestine network present themselves as discoloration, blemishes and skin problems on your right cheek. A mild acne breakout, eczema patch or slight redness may mean a cold is coming on. Lung illness or upper respiratory ailments also trigger visual symptoms on the right cheek.

People who are prone to respiratory allergies or asthma have a tendency to have a reddish, scaly eczema, a slight rash or slight bluish-green hue along the right cheek--showing too much heat or inflammation in the respiratory system, or a lack of oxygen from bronchial constriction. One of my many pediatric patients who suffered from allergic asthma always displayed an eczema-like patch right before a flare up of her allergy attack, a very useful tip off. I instructed her mother to treat her right away with herbs for allergies to avert an asthma attack.

Your Left Cheek

The left cheek corresponds to your wood element, or the liver-gallbladder network.

Left Cheek: Wood Element - Liver/Gallbladder

Broken capillaries and redness, especially up next to the bridge of your nose, indicate heat, inflammation or congestion of toxins in the liver. Bulging veins, redness, and rash sometimes signal high blood pressure and pent-up anger. A yellowish hue under the left eye may indicate gallstones or high triglycerides or cholesterol, which are processed by the liver-gall bladder network.

Problems in this part of the face can also reveal emotional issues, such as anger and depression, since the liver and gallbladder network includes the nervous system.

Please keep in mind that there are many ways that your body alerts you to imbalances. As you learn this visual method, you'll want to be able to confirm your findings from one body part with observations from others, such as the eyes, tongue, and nails. Want to learn more? Get your own copy of Secrets of Self-Healing, where you can find in-depth information.

Keep all five elements healthy and get a whole body tune-up with a balanced combination of 44 traditional Chinese herbs that support healthy function of the bodily systems, the Five Elements of Health Formula.

I hope this article helps you find out what your face is telling you! I invite you to visit often and share your own personal health and longevity tips with me.

May you live long, live strong, and live happy!

-Dr. Mao

This blog is meant to educate, but it should not be used as a substitute for personal medical advice. The reader should consult his or her physician or clinician for specific information concerning specific medical conditions. While all reasonable efforts have been made to ensure that all information presented is accurate, as research and development in the medical field is ongoing, it is possible that new findings may supersede some data presented.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

From misty to clarity

Today I got to go to park slope again..this time to hunt for something special at a flea market and an antique shop. But to my dismay, most markets were closed due to the misty rain.
I've always liked rain, misty ones, where you can walk side by side with someone you love and appreciate the romantic setting.

As I get deeper in a relationship with someone I realized that its about appreciating the person, and not forgetting why you love him in the first place. Today, and yesterday I took a look at him, and really appreciated for who this person is, and how he is supportive to me in many ways. And experiencing and feeling some emotional connection and support, I feel that I love him more.

It's 9 months to go to settling down with someone you find to appreciate and want to settle and share your life for the better with. :)
With what feels like short time period in planning a wedding I guess shouldn't get so swept up with the wedding decor and details. it's the purpose of wedding and person that is really important.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

No day but today

Today has been a sad but memorable day. Today I heard a past patient passed away from complications. She was such a vivacious girl! It's so sad to hear that she is no longer here. Life suddenly stops and changes so fast for these kids, that I realized I should make each moment happy for them, because indeed these kids are very special. With all the seizure kids I have, and possible short life expectancy, they are here for a purpose. God has placed them here to be loved, and I am sure they feel it, understand it and know that they are loved. I think each person and child should feel what it is like.

So I couldn't help but think about life morality. That girl I believe lived her life to the fullest. She was always happy. And seeing my life...I have to say I need to do so too on a continuous basis.

My sister sent me a link to the day but today..great song! I wish I could see the musical. It reminded me of living life starting today.

There Is no future
There Is no past
Thank God this moment's not my last

There's Only Us
There's Only This
Forget, Regret, Or Life Is Yours To Miss
No Other Road
No Other Way
No Day But Today

There's Only Yes
Only Tonight
We Must Let Go
To Know What's Right
No Other Course
No Other Way
Find More lyrics at
No Day But Today

I Cant control
My destiny
I Trust My Soul
My only goal
is just to be

There' only Now
There's Only Here
Give in To Love
Or live in Fear
No Other Path
No Other Way
No Day But Today