dogster

dog + friend= dogster

I feel sad

I left my job yesterday and revisited today to pick up some paperwork from HR. I was kinda sad because I had to leave so abruptly, and ended my days with haste and no formality. My departure was taken coldly by the HR manager and my supervisor becase I counldn't give into the 4 week notice and also it was after a 3 week vacation. As I sigh of relief I can't help but feel a bit empty and sad. I didn't anticipate this kind of departure, coldness , especially by my supervisor. I had to think she really hated me. A bunch of ppl PT, and speech felt happy that i was moving on, which was kind a relief and comfort to know some affinity out there. I guess i just wanted to end it well, but my supervisor was not having it. ,and wanted it her way of cold smiles and smirks. J. really wanted me out and I had to admit if false rumors are spread on my leaving.
Well good bye and thank God I won't have to take more bullshit from her. I don't think I could take her idea stealing behaviors, selfishness and taking advantage. I don't think I can get the full closure and explanation of her nasty, non-supervisory behavior- but I just hope her illegal paperwork- her selfishnees will bite her back.

sign from God

Okay. I lost the job offer from a place i wanted b/c I can't start on their assigned date. So yesterday, I was really stressed as
1) I really want a job fast before I relocate,
2) b/c I need to find a workplace that has my dentist covered
3) the workplace opportunities are mostly in spec. ed schools that need employees starting on sept.
4) place myself back in the market. I hate wearing a suit and interviewing!
5) wondering if the good jobs are taken.
Considering I can't start new job until october, I am screwed! Damn my workplace! Damn 4week notice!

So I was walking-pacing, stressing with my dog today in th middle of an adjacent park,trying to think of my next agenda, and just trying to calm down. I can feel the ulcer kick in and my blood rushing into my chest. God damn it I';m getting some sort of chest pain here! I said a prayer to God, just begging him to not worry and trust that there will be many opportunities despite that I can't start a new job until october.

Then comes an elderly man behind me saying, " miss, can I pass through"? I turned around in some sort of grimace and annoyance. The elderly man said I am afraid of dogs. Compassion came through and so I replied, "It's okay. He won't bite". The elderly man passed me as I made sure my dog won't cross pathyway. THe man was holding his cane with one hand, the other a navy canvas bag with white antique letter font. On the bag, it states, " GRACE HAPPENS"!!!!!!

Man, was I taken back. God shows himself in surprising ways! :) I was so touched that God has sent a relief sign, and telling me to let Him do his job. Grace means a gift that we don't deserve. And I felt that by trusting him with your problem, and allowing God to do his job - Grace will pull through. Grace is adbundant and Grace is given by God who is compassionate. I felt much better and relieved that God is on my side as I search for another job.

RFK

Even in our sleep, pain which we cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God. - Aeschylus

Saw the PBS american experience about robert f kennedy last night, and was just in awe of the man's words, philosphy and such bravery and honest wisdom . Loved his purpose and pursuit for presidency, idealism and rights for equality. I loved the way he spoke to the crowd in sincerity when he disovered MLK was killed. I loved what he stood for.

RKF on the death of MLK

okay, i'm going to write another one of my hate bogger remarks cuz the ppl around me do not want to hear it. Well, I need to just let it out or else I'm going to burst into more confusion and disorganization.
I do not like my job. That's putting it nicely. I hate my job becuase of the ppl there. Well i'm sure 1million in NY hates their jobs too. It's not old news. I just don't think I can take it b/c its not helpin gmy passion and reason for servicing.
I feel the staff members take advantage of my eagerness, lead me on in conversations for no pure positive intentions and compassion. I realized that I trust ppl way too much- more than I should considering they are my co-workers. Itsnot an idealist's world, but a hard, cold reality that no matter how friendly you and they get, they can quickly turn your back and mislead you. I realized that ppl like to play with ppl's minds just for fun/laughs for their stress level sake, or have an agenda planned for themselves fully taking advantage of another being. ah. Yeah I'm taking this real badly.
so i had to think of why do i stay at my job?
TBC

mellow yellow

I've been watching this addictive korean mini drama because the family dynamic is so very familiar to mine. I think today, I watched a total of 4 hours nonstop- glued to this tv melodram. I think my eyes are puffy from crying. (sigh). Like of gets me in a mellow mode.

post jones beach fireworks

flower pics- hobby

magnolia
??????????- does anyone know?
Tulips at rockcenter
Central park
Tulips at botanical garden

Great reading finds

The alchmeist- overcoming fear to fulfull your purpose

Angels and Demons- just a great fiction book. Finally I found a book that is entertaining and not crappy

Marley and Me :) - love this book

next....blink or freakonomics.

My other love....The luck brand mini mailbag-

Alchemist- good book. Now reading: marley

Is this for real?

wow, it looks like a prized doll from an amusement park, but it's real.

Today, i watched the doct' RIZE about a new form a art/dance from the guettos of california. it's an outlet from the negatives they face...its like rap music I suppose. Anyways, the inspiration behind the dance is great but what really shocked me was a local store called Payless Casket! Is death so frequent in this local town, that they have store name like this? My gosh, the reality of what these people face is overwhelming. It just seem so unreal.

quotes

To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides- David Viscott M.D.

Happiness is neither virtue or pleasure, not that thing nor that, but simply growth- W.B. yeats

the way to happiness is to follow what is right and real and the truth for you.- oprah w.

my love for shoes

okay, i've become the every girl who loves loves loves beautiful shoes but hardly wears them. So here on friday late night, i went online to do some browsing...of course for shoes with a mission to get a nice pair of black dressy pumps. my gosh. if only i was a celebrity who can spend money on shoes like buying a candy. Here are the shoes on my dreamlist...drool.....



okay..so what's been going on? i haven't updated this site for a while. i'vebeen thinking alot on ways to distract myself...like web surfing...plans to travel, maybe attending a pastry school, thinking on: working freelance, expanding my clinical skills, attending church, expanding my friendship circle, start dating, , letting go of the grudges. yeah i have a lot of grudges. well, it seems like i have alot of catching up to do. tired of sitting, and thinking. so when am i going to get off my behind? hmm well, i think I'll take one goal at a time.

life is too short

Man, I was pissed today about work that I felt unmotivated, and weary. But while I walked home from work, I said to myself life is just to short to stay mad. I have other important things to focus on.

hersey kisses

my dog had an upset stomach- probably ate something he shouldn't have eaten- and ended up leaving little melted chocolate drops on our living room wooden floor. My mom shrieked and flapped her hands in horror and excitement. I inspected to see what's on the floor as my mom yelled in the background. My dog- poor thing- felt so gulity that he rushed by my side and tried to hide the evidence by actually eating it. It was gross. I stopped my dog before he can barf or end up with a lasting dong breath. - I didn't think dogs can actually eat it.

Anyways, I found a hilarious forward. Had me smiling all day.
click on forward.