Tuesday, August 29, 2006

sign from God

Okay. I lost the job offer from a place i wanted b/c I can't start on their assigned date. So yesterday, I was really stressed as
1) I really want a job fast before I relocate,
2) b/c I need to find a workplace that has my dentist covered
3) the workplace opportunities are mostly in spec. ed schools that need employees starting on sept.
4) place myself back in the market. I hate wearing a suit and interviewing!
5) wondering if the good jobs are taken.
Considering I can't start new job until october, I am screwed! Damn my workplace! Damn 4week notice!

So I was walking-pacing, stressing with my dog today in th middle of an adjacent park,trying to think of my next agenda, and just trying to calm down. I can feel the ulcer kick in and my blood rushing into my chest. God damn it I';m getting some sort of chest pain here! I said a prayer to God, just begging him to not worry and trust that there will be many opportunities despite that I can't start a new job until october.

Then comes an elderly man behind me saying, " miss, can I pass through"? I turned around in some sort of grimace and annoyance. The elderly man said I am afraid of dogs. Compassion came through and so I replied, "It's okay. He won't bite". The elderly man passed me as I made sure my dog won't cross pathyway. THe man was holding his cane with one hand, the other a navy canvas bag with white antique letter font. On the bag, it states, " GRACE HAPPENS"!!!!!!

Man, was I taken back. God shows himself in surprising ways! :) I was so touched that God has sent a relief sign, and telling me to let Him do his job. Grace means a gift that we don't deserve. And I felt that by trusting him with your problem, and allowing God to do his job - Grace will pull through. Grace is adbundant and Grace is given by God who is compassionate. I felt much better and relieved that God is on my side as I search for another job.

Friday, August 18, 2006


Even in our sleep, pain which we cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God. - Aeschylus

Saw the PBS american experience about robert f kennedy last night, and was just in awe of the man's words, philosphy and such bravery and honest wisdom . Loved his purpose and pursuit for presidency, idealism and rights for equality. I loved the way he spoke to the crowd in sincerity when he disovered MLK was killed. I loved what he stood for.

RKF on the death of MLK

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

okay, i'm going to write another one of my hate bogger remarks cuz the ppl around me do not want to hear it. Well, I need to just let it out or else I'm going to burst into more confusion and disorganization.
I do not like my job. That's putting it nicely. I hate my job becuase of the ppl there. Well i'm sure 1million in NY hates their jobs too. It's not old news. I just don't think I can take it b/c its not helpin gmy passion and reason for servicing.
I feel the staff members take advantage of my eagerness, lead me on in conversations for no pure positive intentions and compassion. I realized that I trust ppl way too much- more than I should considering they are my co-workers. Itsnot an idealist's world, but a hard, cold reality that no matter how friendly you and they get, they can quickly turn your back and mislead you. I realized that ppl like to play with ppl's minds just for fun/laughs for their stress level sake, or have an agenda planned for themselves fully taking advantage of another being. ah. Yeah I'm taking this real badly.
so i had to think of why do i stay at my job?