Tuesday, May 31, 2005

It occured to me that I have a lot of friends who dump their problems on me ..leaving me feeling disturbed. They want to vent but don't want to hear anything from me. Honestly, I don't think I can tolerate the cursing, the yelling ...the garbage. I can't tolerate the feeble excuses ,...and the blaming. If they want to vent, I suggest they use a diary or a blog.
No more calling to say how they are doing. It is all making me insane. This is not normal.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Almost June

Can't believe it's almost June! Time flies so fast. It is hitting me that I no longer am a student. I am a licenced therapist. That word really hit me when I was given a tour at a hospital with the administer. She introduced me to the staff as the therapist. She didn't say the student, or the intern but the therapist. It was soooo strange. At that moment, I felt like I had this huge responsibiity in my hands.
The role of the therpist will begin pretty soon. Family members will soon place their trust in me and place their little one in my hands for them to thrive. I feel that this is all a mixed blessing.

Today, I helped my mother out at the store. It seems that her sales cashier wasn't doing so well. I had a hunch she wasn't taking my mom seriously. She wasn't showing good work ethics during training day and she carried herself as a superior. Typical. Not really surprised based on her background.

Yesterday, my friend and I at a Mexican restuarant called Mama Mexico. The place was packed and looked like a scene at Jerry Maguire Movie. Men in their full attire sang and played the guitar and violin singing sweet romantic songs in Spanish. It was sooo like the movie. The food was pretty good, except I got stuck paying the majority of the bill. Grr...

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Chronicles of Narnia

Remember this book. You would have never thought that C.S. Lewis was a close friend of J.R.R. Tolkien. Both very good authors who applied a biblical theme into their works.

Monday, May 23, 2005

" I'll do it My way"

Everyday I get a email on God's message, and today it's about patience, a timely fit to yesterdays concidential telephone call from a friend.
We have all experienced it. We have all wanted it and felt it- The feeling and wanting the life of success according to your way and standards, whether in a job, getting a nice apartment, money, successful friends and influences around you...etc.
But life of course is not that easy. And God never intended for it to be that way. Living a life of self reliance is what God doesn't want.. and he purposely made it so in order that we may be disciplined and acknowledge him. God wants us to Trust in Him, and not in ourselves and past life experience. It took a long time for me to trust in God fully with my future. I was so self reliant by using every will and strength to guide it. But with time, I became so worn out , emotionally drained. What added to the weariness were family burden, and finanical burden. I then realized that human will is not enough.
We are mere humans, fearful, emotional and unstable and unfit to carry the burdens we are never intended to bear on our own. All we have to do it place those worries, frustrations,hurt disappointment, anger ,etc, obey God, bow and understand God and have great patience that he will provide, whatever the circumstances and duration.
And during the lowest point in life, it is really God, not us- not by our own will and human strength- but by God who he helps through any circumstances. Remember the poem "Footprints". The man in the poem saw two set of footprints in the sand. One set was from the man, the other was God;s. But during the man's struggles, he noticed only one set. In loneliness he asked God, why did you leave me? God replied I am always with you. The one set of footprints are mine. It was the harshest of times that I carried you. Sometimes we don't give credit to God. We believe that it is through our own human will that gets us through. But in reality it is cleary the opposite. God wants us to help us and wants us to trust in him with everything. When I placed that burden of self reliance and worry on him, I instantly felt soo relieved. I was probably able to in the first of my life to fully destress. The feeling of hopelessness, disappointments softened and ..well with God's help, I realized that he can turn it for the better, and anger and resentment.. i know that with tough situations there will be a sunny and brighter future ahead. With trust in God, and not on your own merit, all seems better.

This week's promise: Waiting for God's timing brings great rewards
How can I grow in patience?
"So Moses went back to the Lord and protested, 'Why have you mistreated your own people like this, Lord?' Why did you send me? Since I gave Pharaoh your message, he has been even more brutal to your people. You have not even begun to rescue them!"
Exodus 5:22-23 NLT
Reflecting on Today's PassageImpatience usually has its roots in our personal agenda. We have plans. Delays and obstacles, while common, are not seen as something we should have to cope with, but can put us into an emotional tailspin, unable to rebound and move forward. We are running late, so every red light seems longer, every slow driver even slower than had we planned better and left early enough to anticipate delays. We are in a hurry, so we become irritable, impatient, perhaps brushing by someone who needs a word of encouragement. We want something and we want it now. The idea of taking a long time to achieve a desired status or level of living, common among previous generations, may even be considered failure by some today. Having to wait frustrates us. Moses had reluctantly accepted the assignment to deliver God's message to the pharaoh: "Let my people go!" From his reaction to Pharaoh's rebuff, we can assume that Moses had expected a more cooperative response. His impatient outburst directed at God reflects our tendency to obey only so long as things go the way we expect. The beginning of patience is surrendering our agenda to God's will and committing ourselves to obedience over the long haul.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Good morning!

IT seems that everyone in my house is still asleep including my sweetie. Fell asleep after a big meal and without brushing my teeth and washing my face. Took a look in the mirror this morning and saw my face has increased in size with a couple of pimples sprouted ..G-R-E-A-T.
Today i have realized that I am actually going to start work pretty soon. It's a feeling of fear , nervousness and happiness b/c this is the start of my career. I can't predict which site is going to work for me, so therefore it was a very difficult decision. I've realized that upon the process that i don't have to stay at a site for a long time, but can move on within a year or so. I just pray that the staff are nice and that I'll learn quickly.

I thought I'll go to the show called "cookin" with my family today if possible. My mom has been dying to see it for quite a while . Hopefully it's not very expensive. Need to become active now. I don't think I can just work and not socialize. Just read an article that women become depressed if their social relationships are meek, or lacked. Men however get depressed by lack of success at work. Interesting....

Saturday, May 21, 2005

how to make kimchee

Finally found out how to make this side dish that is usually bought at the local korean market. It was a random moment when the ah-ju-ma decided to take a load off and have me mix a huge bowl of cabbages. It was alright though, b/c I was curious as to how to make this thing i nteh first place.

So here are the ingredients and steps:

1) clean and cut cabbages and mix it with salt. Leave it for a couple of minutes for it to retain some water.
2) mix and stir with red pepper powder, crushed garlic, ginger powder, and (those tiny shrimps in a bottle found in korean markets). Sorry don't know how to call it in English.
And that is it! Let is go through its fermentation by leaving it on the kitchen counter.

I never liked kimchee as a little girl. But this was pretty good. even when it was fresh.

Friday, May 20, 2005

my dog arrived

I picked up my sweetie from the vet hospital and I was so glad to see him after one night without him. It's not a fracture, but an inflammatory phase of arthritis. He's going to be placed on meds to decrease inflammation and pain. He looked so happy after seeing me. I was so happy too.
We arrived home, and he was back to usual self. He dranked a lot of water, and then headed off under my sister's desk to nap. He didn't want to be bothered after that. Yep, back to usual self.
During dog walks, I usually carry him around occasionally to relieve some weightbearing over his inflammed joints. Found this site after asking this lady with a beautiful baby wrap in a subway stop. http://www.mayawrap.com. Wish I can plurge on the money to buy it so that I can carry my dog during long walks, especially to the vet hospital. It's better than a shopping cart.

Today, I visited the site I decided to take the offer from. I guess it's official. But when I arrived home to write letters to decline job offers and job interviews, I started to have second thoughts. I couldn't believe I was turning down an interview from NYU Rusk institute of rehabilitation. The place is ranked number 1 in the nation. I couldn't believe I was writing a letter to cancel the interview. And I couldn't believe I didn't think it over before I accepted the offer at another site. ...(sigh). If things go right with the Rusk interview, I can't imagine telling my placement , "sorry" although i met with your HR to begin paperwork and met with your director I'm going to leave you now b/c I found a better site. Oh. I had a headache just thinking about it, that I had to stop, take a breather and just pray for some clarity.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

the visit to the vet

Just arrived from the vet without my sweetie. It seems that he may have refractured his right hind leg. So I left him overnight in order that the staff may x ray and cofirm his diagnosis. Poor sweetie. I made an appointment with a covering vet who kept screwing up with my dog's gender and even the location of the fracture. He started off shaving my dog's right front paw as I watched in curiousity. I just had to ask him, why are you shaving there? Then he recontinued to shave this time the correct leg,and metioned that my dog "she" will be okay. I corrected the vet for the 4th time. My dog is a he. Haven't you noticed as you were shaving the bottom portion of his body- his jewels? Anway, it was okay. I just thank God it was just a shave. Oh and he didn't wear gloves to draw out blood. I was quite furious. The vet's nails were dirty. I'm thinking of saying something the next day when I pick my sweetie up. Aren't there rulesof standard precautions for animals too?

March of the penguins

This movie looks hilarious. I can't wait when it opens on theaters. A whole new way of looking at animals differently. ..it portrays them with humanistic qualities. Kinda strange but beautiful. Click on the title "March of the penguins" and you'll seem what I mean.
Talking about animals, my dog has been limping for week. Going ot take him to the vet today. Two mode of transportaion: I have to either take the taxi to the vet clinic or place my sweetie in the grocery cart and push him for about 2 miles. Did a trial run last night. You should have seen him. He was begging and crying to get him out of the shopping cart. He looked like a prision immate, sticking his nose out of the bars and leaning his face against it. And (not to be rude) but I looked like a homeless man. The whole scene looked pitiful.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Mercy and Grace

God is merciful to us

Why does God show us mercy?

"I am overcome with joy because of your unfailing love . . . "

Psalm 31:7 NLT

To give us joy.

After thought overnight, I felt thankful for God's mercy and his grace which i don't deserve. I think God has found sites that matched to my needs, interest and ability. For that I am quite humbly grateful. There a lot of options out there in the working field. Though sites offer what they can, it is really up to you to make a difference, be independent and work hard. And depending on your learning style and learning environment, you choose the right place fit for you.
Decided to choose one site, but feeling insecure and shaken. Deep inside I feel that I can do the job, but of course will need to put a lot of effort. Feeling honest with myself and honest with others is reassuring and liberating. I need to believe and acknowledge my strengths. You can't change the past, but I need to accept it and move on. I get chest pains and shortness of breath just thinking about it. Evaluating this is very stressful.

Anways, all I can do is trust in God and his guidance.


Thinking of eliminating a site because of their misrepresentation and vague statements. The HR personnel is so unprofessional, and I don't get the feeling of support from the interviewer who never formally identified her job title. All I know is that she sounds like she is the overhead supervisor and loves to feel superior. She also gave vague statments about the staff, common diagnosis and caseload. She offered me a job at inpatient site, where I haven't even been given a tour or even offered for a it, a the while the HR personnel is demanding for an answer that moment. PLus she aswered to my questions to what she isn't familar with. Questions like common diagnosis of each unit (neuro, ortho etc, nicu, picu, which she answered vaguely and later apologized for not giving a straight answer. She even implied that there may be a possiblity that of an clincial at NICU, which really isn't the truth. Yesterday ( after I requested to get a tour before I accept the offer) I got the bad news. She now tells me they only need two therapist for NICU which they already have! So what the ..! Why did you tell me about the NICU during the interview? Misleading and empty promises! Then she had the audacity to say, well, in case we have a large caseload, we can always train you. Right now, they have 8 (ONLY!!) newborns for two therapists, but it will be growing. I don;t know, she sounds shady to me. Not straight forward with her answers! And definitely misrepresenting the medical center.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Coming down to one

I've been so indecisive about accepting offers. Believe me. There is no perfect facility. Weighting the pros and cons, and evaluating your values, interest and needs turns me inside out and stressed. Perhaps, I'm thinking too much. The acceptance of a job kinda freaks me out. I feel that they will just throw me out there with a patient I haven't treated during my clinicals. What are their expections from me. I know I don't know everything. Gosh. I have this big fear hanging over my head , and I can't grow up, face and deal with it with courage. And still, I have interviews to go to.
I've been venting to my younger cousin. I felt so bad because it all came out. I shouldn't do that again. It's just not right.
Better catch some sleep. Heading off to an HR interview for the experience.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

I've seen the light...

Okay I'm not a BIG fan of country music, but when I heard the song, "In my daughter's eyes" by Martina McBride, I couldn't stop flooding my eyes with tears. This song is truly beautiful and accounts to how parents feel about their children.

In my daughter's eyes
In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me
gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daugter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

solution to group dinners

Here is the scenario:
You meet up with a group of friends and some strangers for dinner at a restaurant. You don't talk to everybody, you order only a meal with water and assume you'll pay for your portion while others pay for their expensive meals and alcohol.
THE BILL ARRIVES and the one who picks up the bill says everyone pays equally!
Ever got into a situation like this? I'm sure everyone has. It hurt so much to pay $30 for a simple $15 meal you had. I shutter as I hand my money.

I like the leaving early for an emergency and paying only what you ordered. It may sound cheap to others, but with a good enough reason it may be believable.

In light of things, my dog is doing better. He's not limping anymore and is back to regular self; barking at other dogs and stealing anything edible from the garbage can. This week I went around NYC for interviews , from Bronx, Brooklyn to Long Island nonstop. Last night, I arrived home, crashed into my bed and didn't wake up till morning in realization that I forgot to walk my dog last night. And it starts all over next week. I'm tired of donning my unifrom (my suit) everyday. At least I'm getting my worth on my one week metro card.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

coffee break

coffee break
Originally uploaded by oceanT.
I wake up to a good cup of coffee..ah!!!!!! Something to look forward to at the beginning of the day. I also try meditation once in a while, reflecting on the strength, beauty of nature, sun, and the breezy air God provides and recognizing that goodness endures within each moment of my life. Let me start out to a new positive beginning each day.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

what part of NYC fits you?

Found another site that test on what part of NYC fits you. In my dreams can I afford or find available residence in morningside heights. ..unless you're a medical resident, faculty, and have the money to pay for $$$$$ rent or mortgage and eat out every night.

You scored as Upper West Side/ Morningside Heights. The UWS may not be as tweedy and artsy as it was in the era of the Trillings and Podhoretzes (some argue that it has turned into the Upper East Side), but the neighborhood is still home to artists, actors, and writers, and not just in Jerry Seinfeld’s income bracket.
Morningside Heights is the area by Columbia university west of Harlem.

Upper West Side/ Morningside Heights






Upper East Side


Washington Heights




Hell’s Kitchen/ Theatre District


El Barrio


SoHo/ TriBeCa


Stuyvesant Town


Kips Bay


Financial District/Battery Park


China Town


Alphabet City


Which neighborhood in Manhattan is best for you?
created with QuizFarm.com



Originally uploaded by naeng-myon.
My turtle Perch sunbathing.

my baby

Originally uploaded by naeng-myon.
My sweetie needed a good rub-a-dub-dub and grooming at that time, but he still looked cute.

old photo

I found some old winter photos. This is a picture of when I spent 2005

Originally uploaded by naeng-myon.
New years at Lincoln Center. It was a nice walk in a crisp night sky in Manhattan.

old winter photo

Originally uploaded by naeng-myon.

A view from my apt window.

sponge bob and tweety

sponge bob and tweety
Originally uploaded by naeng-myon.

Early march 2005: My sis and I head off to the queens botanical garden on a saturday afternoon for a nice study break. Viewed budding magnolia trees, and stopped by the ice cream trunk for some yummy ice cream pop. It had been a long time since eating one of these. My sis and I felt so young at heart. After finishing up, we chewed on the gum eye ball drops. It was hilarious.

Cherry blossom trip

Cherry blossom trip
Originally uploaded by naeng-myon.
Here are the pictures from our botanical garden trip. I can't seem to roate this so you may need to tilt your head to the left.

cherry blossom trip
Originally uploaded by naeng-myon.
up on the balcony , overseeing the cherry blossom garden.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

simple but wise

Out of sheer sadness, I decided to numb my senses by web surfing and visiting other blog sites. I scanned through them and found a site with a great statement. It instantly uplifted me. Sometimes, God surprises me. The statement was so simple, concrete and provided a sense of hope. I thanked the man, and pasted it onto my site to remind me to count my blessings and see life a bit rosier.

The statement I stole:
It was from the NBC sitcom "Ed" that is no longer on. Ed was comparing the rings of a tree to life. A tree could survive a fire or drought or earthquake and you could look at the rings and tell the difference between the good years (fat rings) and the bad years (skinny rings). But nevertheless, the tree is made up of both the good and the bad. So when you are careening through your life, always remember you will have good years and bad years and they all make up the tree of your own life and you should not look back in regret of the bad rings because they are all part of the same tree. The good and bad make us what we are.


Found something from the book i've been reading. It states that you need to trust, bow and let God lead. I've tossed and turned over some past issues because I can see that it is affecting my course of life. And just thinking about it gets me real worried and angry. At times like this, I just have to count my blessings , truly forgive others and myself, and let go. It happened and I can't do anything about it. Sometimes, things happen and you have no control over it, no matter how hard you try to guide it. Somtimes, I wonder if a prayer is more intended as a coping mechanism, and not as a way to get what you want. In hope, you wish it will be granted, but the more I pray the, more I realize that it is truly a way to recieve what is right in God's eyes rather than what you want. Such a hard principle to understand and accept.
Most of the calls I've received were not what I wanted, and it's causing such a heartache. ( I should have put an objective!) Plus they are far in LI or in the Bronx. The salary is not what I expected too. These factors are turning my heart inside out and I'm literally disappointed and tearful. In disappointment, I have to figure out, what are my intentions ; is it money, learning experience and interest. Am I being too picky, or not agressive with my search? I want to take continuing edu courses but they are way too costly. Today, I had to let go of couple of interviews. In moments of doubts and fear I don't know if I made the right choice. But I believe that with no interest, the faster you'll emotionally burnout and not care about your patients. God, I hope you have some plans for me. I feel like I'm in the bottom of the pits, and so vulnerable.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005


Getting kinda nervous now that I'm getting phone call for interviews. Sigh. Better be on my best behavior. A couple of nights ago i woke up in the middle of the night worrying about getting calls. Now that it's coming ..3 phone calls today, 2 yesterday.. i'm getting nervous and doubting myself. I thought about the challenges i've faced during my clinicals. I hope with that experience, I have learned to handle the circumstances. I didn't think this would be happening fast. Freaking out, but excitied. I need to stay calm and composed.
Well Thank you Lord for providing me with these phone calls. I thought I wouldn't receive them. I'm sorry that i have doubted you. I trust you that you will help me with the next phase.
I'm reminded of this reassuring bibl. verse:
Isaiah 41:10, 12b-15
So do not fear, for I am with you. do not be dismayed for i am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous hand.For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear. I will help you. DO not be afraid for I myself will help you declares the Lord, your Redeemer the Holy one of israel.

Note to self: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)"

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Botanical Garden in a Sunday afternoon

Today, my family and i head off to the brooklyn botanical garden to catch the festival and see the cherry blossoms. On our way, we got lost in an orthodox jewish community. I approached the ladies with a map, and they ran off opposite of my directions along with THE COLDEST LOOK. I finally got an attention from a man, who looked like a rabbi. He looked at me like he never saw an asian before. He was nice though, and attmepted to give the right directions as best as he can.
As I thanked the man and ran into the family car, I realized that the orthodox jews were sheltered, very community oriented, and didn't venture or explore other cultures. It was kinda strange to see one racial population within one setting (and nowhere else except forest hills), but it was understandble. However, I wish I can thorougly comprehend why they continue to contain themselves in a tight community, and in an educational and business setting.
We finally arrived to the garden. Brooklyn is such an unusual place. You are surrounded by brownstone houses with beautiful trees, but with one left turn you are in admist a guetto community.
My family and I only stayed in the garden for a couple of hours. It was too crowded and my mom was suffering from allergies. I quickly reviewed the pictures stored in my sis's digitial camera. Man, the camera does add 10 pbs. I looked like an old lady with fat pockets bulging out of my stomach, cheeks and neck. I did not look pleasant, nor was I pleasantly surprised of my pictures. How am I suppose to attract a man when I look like this.
Found a imp statement during websurfing. Learn to love a man for who he is, not how he help advance your life. Need to keep that in mind.