I'm still a Puppy
Okay, I'm feeling it all over again. Why do I instantly develop puppy love on every attractive guy I meet. It's so annoying, and so naive! (sigh) This childish feeling obviously stems from the lack of encounter with the opposite gender and the yearning to find someone special. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of male friends, so a mutual match is unlikely to happen in the near future. So unless there is some sort of a divine intervention I may be single for a very long ..long time.
Being and feeling lonely is very heartwrenching, especially when everyone around you are either dating exclusively, married or engaged. At times I feel like the only single female in the world. I catch myself during a pleasant moment- like walking through Manhattan streets on a cool summer night- thinking wouldn't it be more wonderful if I walked alongside with someone special.
There are the usual alternatives- the internet, getting matched by your family (!!) But so much work into this. Why can it just happen? Should it take so much effort to find someone? My family suggested I meet men in church. Well, I had my share of thought on that, but reasoned that it shouldn't be my sole sunday objective.
All this talk about love leaves me feeling pathetic!!! Sometimes I get real mad about most men. They always want someone better, instilling fear and some expectation placed on women. Before I didn't want to get into any relationship because I thought I wasn't ready- spiritually, finanically,, emotionally mature enough. Over the years, I've add on more to the excuses. I wasn't pretty enough, tall, thin, clear skin enough! But I realized that you cannot rely on an image of pefection because it will never happen. I needed to look in the mirror and accept all of myself. So now that I have learn to accept and realized that not all men have high expectations I am left with the emptiness feeling, and yearning to spend myself- my joy and my time with someone. Ah.. pretty sad huh.
I can go on and on about this, but this entry is quite long..and may become meaningless and pointless. I leave with a feeling of some hope that it may come someday.
Being and feeling lonely is very heartwrenching, especially when everyone around you are either dating exclusively, married or engaged. At times I feel like the only single female in the world. I catch myself during a pleasant moment- like walking through Manhattan streets on a cool summer night- thinking wouldn't it be more wonderful if I walked alongside with someone special.
There are the usual alternatives- the internet, getting matched by your family (!!) But so much work into this. Why can it just happen? Should it take so much effort to find someone? My family suggested I meet men in church. Well, I had my share of thought on that, but reasoned that it shouldn't be my sole sunday objective.
All this talk about love leaves me feeling pathetic!!! Sometimes I get real mad about most men. They always want someone better, instilling fear and some expectation placed on women. Before I didn't want to get into any relationship because I thought I wasn't ready- spiritually, finanically,, emotionally mature enough. Over the years, I've add on more to the excuses. I wasn't pretty enough, tall, thin, clear skin enough! But I realized that you cannot rely on an image of pefection because it will never happen. I needed to look in the mirror and accept all of myself. So now that I have learn to accept and realized that not all men have high expectations I am left with the emptiness feeling, and yearning to spend myself- my joy and my time with someone. Ah.. pretty sad huh.
I can go on and on about this, but this entry is quite long..and may become meaningless and pointless. I leave with a feeling of some hope that it may come someday.
posted by poppo at 9:15 PM
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